The bad guys have it in for the good guys

as they go out to mug the defenseless

insolent souls lost in a moral circus

like a joke with no punchline

slapstick men on a dead-end course.

Keep company with God,

when you're a long way from home

on a dark lonely road

he will show you where to go.

He has never let you down 

or looked away when you were being kicked around 

after you wandered off to do your own thing 

he has been waiting and listening,

watching over you, in grace, love, and truth.

The Truman Show

In peace, I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 4:8

These were not letters from the fantasy department.

This entire time I can see how the good Lord was looking after me.      

Everything is going to be okay, my reputation has been trashed and I need to restore it.  

I was always with the good guys but I'm not sure who they are anymore, except for that good old sheriff.  Any man working a Highway 99 traffic stop on Christmas morning, is worthy of my respect from here to eternity.     

They have no idea who Harry Truman was I'm sure.  I sure as heck do, and if you want to know about him read about it for yourself.  He was the president who dropped the A-bomb as we used to call it.   

All this time you thought this was the Truman Show?  That was supposed to be really funny, right?

It wasn't as much fun for me as it was for you.   

Guess what?  I love television shows too!  And I am preparing the way for all the fun and games you care to enjoy. 

First thing Tuesday morning we are going to begin production on a brand new TV show called, Truth or Consequences.    

Let me see what I can do to make life a Sunday Night Movie for you.  A very funny Sunday night movie with a sad ending. 

Night Night

   

I'm not mad just disappointed

 I get it, your feeling of utter disappointment and disgust because of my words about this place.

Now you understand how it feels when a corrupt authority decided to make me a target for their silly ass boyfriend that she was feeding info to throughout her stained career.  Then he gets out and decides to show up here asking me too many questions and demanding my respect.  I hardly knew the guy, he fed me a bunch of info but I figured it was a test to see if any of it came back.  From my perspective it appears they combined forces and all these freaks hassling me have written permission to do it or something.  I just know it is not right on any level.  

It's amazing the sights you'll see on a Sunday morning.      

Have a nice weekend, felon as well as the future felons by your side.  Those adorable little Future Felons of America who speak of Hitler in such glowing terms.  

Hey, how do you like that?  I made it up on the spot.  Future felons of America, that is so cute.  You should get tattoos.  

When somebody tells you he's been poisoned, and they're out to get him while he is under subpoena you don't throw them under the bus like that unless there is an ulterior motive.  Right, Davo?  

What am I saying, you were right in there with them trying to throw a case on me every chance you had in addition to a couple of others.  So much for that alco pile of crap.  

This would be the second confirmed nazi hubby she has used up in an effort to put the hurtin' to me, yet I'm the bad guy here.  This is fine.  

 

Here is a novel idea for both of youse, why don't you come clean, tell the truth and deal with all those super bad decisions each of you made.   Like the murder plot where he was going to assume my identity.  Do the neighbors have a clue who is living right next door to them?  I thought they were all such huge supporters; all those people ever talk about is the rule of law.  At this point it doesn't matter what happens to me, this is about justice, right and wrong, black and white with no in between shades of gray.     

Out there in copland nothing ever happens unless they want it to.  Meanwhile, the actual killers are free to roam.   

 Don't believe the lies...

Update:  The same day I told these folks I thought someone poisoned me was the same day an article came out in the local paper which contained some of my old blog posts from years ago.  I never got to finish reading the article and felt like somebody had given me a heavy dose of drugs or poison, at church on Sunday morning.  When I asked for help they blew me off.  Some guy I didn't know gave me a ride home and I asked him to call the police for help because people were after me and he told them I wanted to commit suicide by cop.  Then when I finally get out of this false imprisonment situation I call the pastor who told me, "Security thinks it's best you not come back."  So I haven't gone back to any church out of fear of being screwed over by these people again. 

The puritan dilemma

 In a community so unapologetically backwards in everything, it's impossible to shame anyone.  I get it, she had the juice and her felon hates my guts, she would never abuse her authority at the bequest of that animal.  Never.  He's said he is a Christian...

They were trying to spare themselves the embarrassment of their incompetence by throwing everything in the arsenal at me.   

They still think half the physical ailments people experience are caused by a lack of faith because they fell out of favour with the district attorney.  Right.

Well, I didn't like the angry little party she had planned for me.

Now what?

No shame, honey...no shame...

System of a John

 The most important thing of all, my secret weapon, has always been my hair.

 

I just caught another one who said my hair is hot.  Whatever.  

 

I'd love to go out socializing with her and pump her full of booze but everywhere I go it's obvious there is some sort of problem.  Because of the...you tell me.

 

Cards on the table time.

 

You do what you gotta do but I'm not through with life by any means.  People have no idea what it's like to live through the hell I went through and seem to be currently experiencing.  I'm done being held hostage by this gang of savages.  Old Colonel Kurtz thinks he is something special, and he's already won.   I say go ahead and let him.  This is fine.    

Just be careful the next mongrel you kick because they might night be so nice about it, dipshit.  I'm not going to just lay here and take it.

Get the bail agents and all these other slimes a new job.  Who would use bail agents on a guy like me?  Why?  Sounds like a bit of misdirection and I'm sure that's what the excuse is but we all know that's not actually the truth.  It looks bad.      
 

 Let operation needle dick continue on me while I write a FUCKING book about you.  

That's all.       

Update:  All these people keep saying that I'm not the man they once knew.  No shit, that's what happens when you wake up and realize someone already has a hole dug for you and a man to do the job in the very next room.  Sorry mate, as it turns out, that's not my grave, it's yours and hers.    

This investigation is leading straight to some very heavy people but I'm sure everyone is already well aware of who they are.  

Wait, I confess to breaking the law, one time.  It was just today when I was being tailed and I ran that stop sign.  I get the sneaking suspicion they already knew about it because of the rainbow connection pro snitch patrol working the runaround job I gave them.  Don't be sore...

Hint: I knew all about geofencing from the trucking business.  

And passive tracking.  

Could it be the satellite radio?  

Who serviced the auto last?  Hmmmm 

Where do/did they advertise?  Discuss among yourselves.  I certainly pray to god a man I trusted with my life would never try to pull any shenanigans on my car.  It is certainly well equipped and I bought it for a steal out of the area.  There was a lot of confusion around my service but it wasn't from me.  Water under the bridge as far as I know.  

If not I'll be praying in the garden when they come for me.  Don't let Pete scare ya with his sword, he's a little crazy but he means well.  

Denial Anger Acceptance

 People tend to get upset when they figure out their own family is setting them up to be murdered.  

If that is not the case, why was he here?  Why did I become suspicious when he drove me to the middle of the onion field?  You should have done the job while you had the chance.    

I vibed this dude straight out of the gate. 

Have a nice day.

And remember, don't be sore...

She actually said, "He's the most emotionally mature person I've ever known..."

The dude is a straight-up sociopath with no feelings for anyone.  The holidays were always ruined by her and whatever filth she dragged in.   

Then you need to step back and ask yourself who is out of their mind?  It doesn't look good.  

 

I always tell the truth, even when I lie

 If you can walk through the Creepshow without becoming creeped out or becoming too creepy, then you will be a man my son.  

When you can stand by your word of honor forsaking everything else, including your own family, then you will be a man.  

 

Now you know why I fell off the wagon and had a few too many.   I lost everyone and everything in a year and they were all blaming me.  

Convicted felons for Christmas, muslim jihadis threatening to throw acid in my moms face, my cheating whore ex-wife and the out-of-control spoiled kids (I should have busted their little asses frequently).   Who am I???  E. Howard Hunt reincarnated?  

 It took me a long time to realize this, but I've been alone for a long time. No problemo, press the button and light this candle.  You can't handle the truth.

I'm not saying I am as pure as the driven snow not by any means, I'm a piece of chet and I will tell you that.  But when you open up my closet there aren't any felony skeletons hanging in there.  Just saying.

While you've been dog-piling it on my ass over a blog and some phoney-baloney political crap, the real criminals are still out there committing crimes.    Adda boy!

I got out of the boat and split from the whole goddamn program.  My life was at stake.  

We have photos, dates and times, eyewitnesses, witness statements, physical evidence and fingerprints.  The ball is in your court, Lee Harvey.  Be well.   

Handle this

 They always say god never gives you more than you can handle.  

Yeah, that's great, unless your sister marries a total piece of shit psycho nazi who was just released from prison after 3 decades and turned snitch to get out. 

The fact this idiot, a cop, did not recognize this criminal is manipulating everyone, either means she is just like him or too stupid to figure it out.

That's all.

 

Fuck off.

I can't handle that, I don't wanna handle it and I don't have to.  It's called principles.  

There is no rehabilitation after three decades, do you dipshits realize that.  But he loves him some jeebus...

And so does the Son of Sam along with Tex Watson and countless others but they aren't trying to lean on me in my home.  See if you can figure out the difference.    

Just keep repeating that religious stuff to these lames I see right through it predator. 

hmmmm...

 

You can take the yellow ribbons down.  I won't be home for Christmas, EVER. 

Following that golden shower of disgrace.  

Have a nice day.  

I find it odd that corresponding with the time she married this Okie trash, I began having a series of very strange contacts with law enforcement and assorted others, but I'm sure it's all unrelated.  Isn't that right, rat? 

Anytime the tin shields want to have a conversation about these matters they always know where to find me and so does the prison guy.  We should all go in together and sort this out.  But for some odd reason, I get the feeling, this criminal mastermind fella, doesn't want to talk to you about his deeds.  He only wants to drop a dime on the people who pose a threat to exposing his little charade.          

Check it out, her entire story is a lifetime show, first with the 90-day fiancee who made everyone miserable for every major holiday or event and ultimately threatened to kill us all in some Jihad.  Then this love after-lockup motherfucker who shows up at Christmas with a pit bull barking orders at me, talking about I'm in his house and respect is due to his insane bride who betrayed the public trust.  The two of them together thought she had the juice to get me locked up.  Buhahaha...

Clearly, I am on the right side of this.  

It's not about being kind or carefully choosing my words, it's black and white, right and wrong, clear as crystal.  You wanted to make a beef out of the fact I was a prison cop, it's perfectly fine with me, I can't help it. You're not the first torpedo that I've outmaneuvred.  You see, I live by rules and there is a reason for that because the rules are there to keep you safe.  Go by the book slow and steady and stay in the lane.
Somehow people who do not, "live by the rules" always want to find a way to crap on the people who do.  It's a human condition going back to the days of Cain and Abel.      

 

Excuses

 Forgive me for the previous post. I was extremely hungover at the time...  

I'm gonna have to come up with some better excuses for my lousy choice of subjects before folks get really sore.  

Oh yeah, here is an old excuse that gets them every time.  

I was kidnapped by anonymous masked men who forced me to drink beer and smoke weed, then publish all that stuff at gunpoint.  When I finished writing, they knocked me in the head, and I woke up sometime later. I think they were Iranians. How typical is it of you to blame the victim? You should be ashamed of yourself. Now get out of here.     

When they persist, I offer them to feel the scar on my head. It's the only part of the story that is true.  Even though I acquired the gash years ago back home in a completely unrelated incident, rub on a little ketchup, and that scar could pass for a recent wound being concealed by my hairline.

If they don't fall for that excuse, tell them about the sporadic memory loss from a concussion sustained during the beating those pesky Iranians gave me with a goddamn dictionary.  Then grant them the initiative by saying, They're out there running loose right now while you waste time hassling me.  Then stare at them for a really long time, and ask, What was I saying? I feel drowsy...  

When all reasonable measures have become exhausted, it comes down to two things.  Either you take off running or start pacing around like a lunatic, flailing your arms while screaming, Attica! Attica! Attica!

That stunt always buys a little more time while I create a new excuse.  

Oh wow, this is the heaviest idea I've ever had. 

I can head them off at the pass right now by changing the entire blog title to Attica, but that's as far as it goes. 

I'm happy with my current address.  

I had a very thorough education quite early on, thank you.  

Then AGAIN, quite recently, they tried to toss me in a little refresher course based on a bogus single-malt conspiracy implicating me as some kind of Hessian.  

I have no idea where finks come up with these fantastic stories and try to use the cops as their human shields and personal hit squad to exact revenge.  Considering no evidence existed at any time, and my story remained consistent, they had no choice but to double down on their lies in order to punish me, and that's it.  You have your excuses, and I have the truth.

Whether you like it or not, here I am, free to pursue a life of _______ fulfilment beginning today.   

      

All of this means nothing. It's just words in a cruel world.  But I assure you my conscience is as clean as my criminal record, even though my mouth is a filthy fucking sewer.  Two out of three ain't bad when you're up against it.       

And just one more thing.  To the doll, who was taking notes, that fell in love with me, creamed her jeans, and almost crashed her car that day.  I haven't seen you in a long time, what happened?  My nickname used to be Eagle Eye for a reason, and you are one fine-looking woman.  I'd much rather see you than these other fucking creeps. Vaya con Dios.

Don't be sore...

 

  

 

    .  

 

 

The sky is dying

 

 

 

Perhaps my previous post was slightly indelicate. The great spirit carried me to that place.  The great spirit being a six-pack of Modello.  There is a difference between the beginning and the end because I was half drunk when part of the essay was accidentally deleted, causing me to fly into a terrible tirade.  

In the evening, smoke drifting from fires in the north took on an orange hue creating the foreboding effect of a nuclear-level event. 

The sky itself appeared to burn as ashes floated to the ground from raging wildfires more than two hundred miles away.  The air was thick, and the smell of sulfur lingered, it appeared life on the red planet was beginning, absent the pleasure of paying Elon Musk for the burden of colonizing Mars.

   

The smoke was driven by prevailing northerly wind until millions of cubic tons of particulate matter became deposited in the valley's southern end.  Is this place the main drain of the state or what?  

Water from the mountains used to come here until they traded it for smog from the bay area and processed human sewage trucked in by high-carbon delivery equipment from Laos Angles.  Throw in a goodly portion of convicted felons neatly imported and warehoused to occupy the empty space in the absence of the petroleum industry.  From the chaos created by the market crash of '87, a new order of doom emerged, transforming the land into a fiefdom of penitentiaries and produce plantations.    

 

Surrounded by three mountain ranges in a bowl configuration, the toxic stew remained in the air long after the fires were contained. 

Eventually, the illusion of a burning sky faded, but the damage to my lungs will last a lifetime. Where is the justice in that?

  

Those fires didn't spontaneously combust; it wasn't all lightning strikes or the power company as suggested.  I've been studying this content for a long time and called it out for the bullshit it was then, as I do now.  

I believe it was eco-terrorism brought to you by any number of fringe radical or reactionary groups trying to disrupt the system and destroy life.  This hypothesis has a foundation grounded in reality based on the historical record.  Maybe it was a play ripped off from the book of dirty tricks employed by the Imperial Japanese, and a foreign adversary was using unmanned incendiary balloons to ignite forest fires on the west coast.   

It doesn't matter which side it was because, in my opinion, they all suck.  You've got Nazis trying to blow up power plants and eco radicals torching SUVs. Meanwhile, the chicoms are buying up farmland.  

 

Who is in charge of this outfit? 

 

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and volunteer my leadership by writing; all of these douchebags need to give it a rest, get a room and sodomize each other to death once and for all.  I will pay for the room, but please bear with me while I grab my Bob Crane starter kit. 

 

Most people don't give a hoot what these fringe rats believe in. They want to live a life and do their own thing without being hassled by the man.  They want clean air and clean water without truckloads of human excrement secretly dumped in their backyard and convicted felons roaming the streets free to pursue a life of criminal fulfilment. It's not hard to figure out.  

 

Fuck me, I should have drank a sixer this morning... 

 

The Shack

 

There is a shack lost in the woods, it's close to the road, but the nearest neighbour is 5 miles away. 

It's not far from the middle of nowhere.  

Tule Elk near Tupman, California

Tule Elk aka California Reindeer

The Tule Elk is unique to the state of California.  Smaller than other species of North American elk, yet larger than any deer, it is estimated they numbered 750,000 to 1,000,000 distributed throughout the state.  The elk played a significant role in the food chain for Native Americans, and by 1874 it was believed the species was driven to extinction.  It was in that same year the California state legislature, in their timeless wisdom, declared a ban on killing Tule Elk.  

These animals were as docile and easily exterminated as the Indians who wore their skins and ate the meat during the 1000 years of peace before the conquistadors began exploring the interior.  

In 1874 a breeding pair was discovered living in a marsh on the shore of Lake Buena Vista.  A landholder graciously designated a thousand acres of land near Tupman, Ca. for the preservation of the species and by 1900, the elk numbers had increased to a herd of 28.  Today there are more than 4000 animals thriving in protected habitats throughout the state, but without the Tule Elk Preserve, which began right here, this species would have become extinct.  

The Tule Elk, for the California Indians, was what the buffalo was for the tribes living on the planes, but reparations are being discussed for other ethnic groups?  I think not.  

Without the elk, the people who survived the native genocide up to that point became totally dependent on the white man's way of life and were forced from their homes.  By the turn of the 20th century, the number of Indian holdouts who refused to accept the white man's life had been reduced to nothing. 
So you all need to be quiet about payments for African Americans who were never slaves in a state where slavery was never legal, but genocide was.  I'd be glad to pay black people all the money they want right after they collectively acknowledge and apologize for the genocide of California Indians.  I don't give a rat's ass if they didn't participate in exterminating women, children, and old people because I feel like they are just as guilty as the white devil for living on stolen Indian land and refusing to speak the language or honour the native customs and traditions.  Fuck you pay me.    

Take a knee for that shit, Jack!  

Then, since you're down there, why don't you go ahead and blow me.  

Hey, why don't we let black folks in Cali operate casinos and pay Indians a large sum of money, huh?    

 The local Indians are owed so much more than a casino business. It is insulting to think the government would rather see the people promoting vices like gambling and liquor in lieu of giving them back their way of life through land grants.  Very insulting.  They murdered an entire race and told them, endeavour to persevere.  It means nothing.       

 

 

Once upon a time in the San Joaquin Valley

 

A recent photo converted to an illustration

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These oddly shaped pinnacles are evidence of a world that existed 65 million years ago when they were near the shores of the Pacific Ocean.  The location is over 100 miles from the pacific ocean and above sea level.  Evidence of ancient aquatic life remains in the rolling foothills on the edges of the San Joaquin Valley.  How long did it take for the ocean to arrange those boulders?  I bet it had some killer surf.  The rocks are positioned in a manner indicating they were under great hydraulic forces for a long time.       

Giant prehistoric shark teeth are still found on the surface of the soil all of the time but often arrive with a deadly curse.  Mold spores in the earth are toxic and will cause severe illness and death when people or animals create dust by disturbing the fine silt and unknowingly inhaling the spores.  Known as California Fever, Desert Rheumatism, or Valley Fever, it is caused by cocci spores that infect the victim's lungs.  

The old school actor, and certified badass, Lee Marvin actually died from the fever, having contracted it in the American Southwest.  Lee Marvin served in the Marines during WWII as a scout sniper and personally participated in 21 island campaigns.  He was seriously wounded on Saipan and discharged after a year in the hospital.  Complicated by a few preexisting conditions, the Valley Fever disease caused him to die in 1987 at 63.   

 

After this prehistoric water world faded away, the organic deposits left behind yielded one of the greatest discoveries of crude oil in North America during the early 20th century.  In 1910 a gusher blew out of an exploration well that was so massive it required over a year to bring under control.  Literal seas of crude oil came freely flowing once the earth's crust became punctured. 

The gusher was eventually contained by a system of berms and levees, creating large storage ponds of oil.  Almost 10 million barrels escaped into the atmosphere while they attempted to subdue the situation. About half of the 10 million barrels were recovered and shipped by pipeline to the coast.  Remnants of this massive oil spill remain visible to this day.  

If you've ever seen the motion picture There Will Be Blood, it was sort of a caricature of the California oil boom. There was a reenactment of the creation of a similar pipeline, and the main character surveys the route by horseback.  

Even back then, oil companies tried to ship their product via pipeline to avoid using rail.  Make no mistake, these two groups of bastards have battled back and forth for so long that we actually have to pay five dollars a gallon for gasoline today.  Is this the best they can come up with? We might as well go back to horse and buggy days.    

Standing over a sea of crude and paying that much for petrol indicates intentional manipulation on both sides.  Follow the money.  The government doesn't control oil production or transportation any more than people control the planet. Just saying.  

Depletion of the strategic oil reserve actually exposes the fact that oil companies throttled production post pandemic to increase prices.  In other words, oil throws a little temper tantrum, and you get to pay the price for it, sucker.  Ultimately both sides make out like bandits, and you remain exactly where they want you.  You'll gladly pay 5 bucks a gallon for gas and ration water to irrigate trail mix while feudal lords and robber barons make billions.  Right?  

That's not what this is?  Then what is it?  

My car is parked and water from the tap smells and tastes like fucking poison... 

It is within the realm of possibility we could find ourselves once again at the bottom of a vast ocean, and all the noise will become silent like that ancient rock on a windswept hill.  Best of luck to you.  Consider my little art up there as a postcard from the planet reminding you it's fine. 

My advice is to buy property in the mountains.

 

  
 

 

 

 

 

Send in the clones

 This'll really piss somebody off...

I thought about it and figured Generation X is sort of a weird hybrid freak with half of their life spent in analogue, crossing into digital and beyond.  You might live to see your own demise initiated and implemented by a machine.  The proof is ongoing in the European theater of operation, where they use AI drones to inflict casualties.  In 20 years, it will not be some fancy toy in the sky. It might be a machine you perceive as a human operating in the material world.  You'd never hear of that technology if it wasn't in development. We live in an age where it is becoming possible.    

Sweatshops and child slave labour aside, the Apple brand is as American as Coke or Pepsi.  My parents bought our first Apple computer in 1981, and computers have been a part of my life ever since. Steve Jobs made Apple bigger than the Beatles, baby.  That is how far back it goes. I remember that Apple logo, alongside Coke and some guy named Bruce, on the Wheaties box as part of everyday life.  I saw the Apple logo more than soda pop because we didn't drink it with every fucking meal back then. 

You see these human zeppelins walking around drinking a gallon of pop daily and asking why they are fat or embracing it like it is normal. 

Hey, why don't you put down the carafe of soda, tubby, and drink a glass of water instead!? It might take a few weeks, but you will lose ten pounds off the top.  Then take a shot of apple cider vinegar occasionally...there was a lot to be said for fat shaming because we had fewer lardos back then than we do now.  Just saying.  

Gen X was the first to interface the analogue and the digital.  Does it matter?  Not really, because the entire thing will be hijacked for nefarious purposes and who wants to lay that heavy bummer on an entire generation.  

The only way to engineer a functional AI replicant would be through the correct analogue and digital parts interface.   That's the easy part.  

Forget about the rest because it is like Dr Frankenstein.

The Ruskis have been working on this for decades...they want living sentient clones capable of taking orders and carrying them out without emotional attachments.  God knows what they've tried, but their experiments on humans make Hitler look like Father Christmas.    

 

I'm not worried about it because it wasn't a group of soviet citizens who brought you into this brave new world with all this junk to make your life better and easier, it was Americans.  We always create a solution.   

Send in the clones, they're already here...

 

 

  

Cheap Sunglasses

 I set out to begin writing several hours ago, early in the morning, and became sidetracked by sleep.  

 

As the coffee cools and the room warms, about the only thing under my control has always been writing.  That is the reason for it. 

 

 

This desire was there after I learned to read the funny papers.  Early on the notion to escape from reality was foremost due to conditions in the world.  If a kid can understand Dick Tracy they can also comprehend the life before them, and I had the need to escape that life.

The fear was unrelenting, terrible feelings of doom, fearful of death from such torture, reading words provided a glimpse at an escape into a world of my creation.

  The plan to create that escape often languished with daily life, but still the tiny flame flickered occasionally bellowing forth a glimpse into a universe devoid of form or color.

 

Attempting to escape into a world of words where everything was under control, there was no violence or fear.  Creating imagery however lackluster or insane became a joy lost in a world of pain.  Long before I began to walk the road alone, the gift had become tarnished. 

 

 

Two million words containing little imagination focused on the mundane reality of my brutal story, knocked from pillar to post. 

Viewing life with a pair of cheap sunglasses on my soul.  

 

After some struggle the world appears in brilliant colors with all its terrible reality yet strangely more beautiful than the dull lines and hazy shadows of the past. 

 But the song remains the same; when I die, promise to bury me face down so the world can kiss my ass...

 

  

 

     

The stain

Well, at least I left a couple of memorable posts to stain the record throughout my venerable blogging career.  You never know when it's gonna end; here today, gone tomorrow.  

I had been thinking of the mouse war for a long time because it was a topic of interest throughout my youth.  How many times in world history do 100 million field mice invade a town?  

It must have been terrifying. Good god almighty!  

When you turned back the bed covers, there were mice; when you opened a drawer, mice flew out in your face until every facet of life was impacted not for one day or week but an entire month at Christmastime.  

It was biblical wrath poured out with a plague of mice.  Some would say the seal was broken because it became a bastion for the Klan beginning then.  It's all well-documented.  They would prefer to forget it because the same forces continue operating from the musty shadows at this very moment.  This lurking horror presents an ugly spectre occasionally surfacing while remaining unchallenged regarding the notion of that madness.  

Then one evening, the apocalyptic nightmare occurred, awash in a sea of liquor, lashed together with a few raw facts and submitted for your approval in the Twilight Zone...

I'm gonna take a nap now.  

 

 

 Hendrix and Dylans Grandma ripping off Dylan and stealing the show.

 

 

 Sometimes God has to break your heart in order to save your soul.

 

That's all I know.

 

Its not fun, or a sight to behold.   

When you walk through fire 

it purifies the soul.

 

Tragic Kingdom

 The scariest part of the entire story is the fact most of it is true.  The story wrote itself because I heard it told over and over from a lot of people. My great grandparents lived through that disgusting nightmare.

My granny said she got up one morning to cook breakfast and put on her apron in the dark.  As she was tying the back of the apron she felt something wiggling around in the front pocket. When she reached inside the pocket a mouse ran up her arm and straight into her hair. This occurred at 5 o'clock in the morning.

You can imagine how that went.  

She was born in 1890 and people were much different back then but I'm sure this was one of the toughest challenges she ever faced.  When a mouse runs up your arm to build a nest in your hair you're gonna freak out. 

Those people were so tough compared to the 21st century if mice invaded today how would people react?

It'd be pandemonium there would be people jumping out of windows rather than face a fucking mouse.  That's how they'd react. 

Hopefully not, but I can hear them now, howling in the night, driven mad by a mouse.  

Look at Florida there's a whole bunch of lunatics over there who were driven insane by a fucking mouse.

This is serious.   

When they said follow the money this guy went straight to the top and declared war on the biggest mouse of all, Mickey. 

Balls...

From his hollow mountain the mouse lords over his evil empire and the public knows him as Mickey, but behind the scenes he's really Mickey "Cohen" Mouse.  He demands to be called Mr. Cohen in private or he will cut your fucking eye out.  Rumor has it, years ago, back home in California Mr. Mouse once insulted a certain lawyer guy who is now running for president.  Now hes gonna use the law to break up the mouse rackets. Mr. Mouse moved his operation to a place with a friendly government, now they ain't so friendly, and to add insult to injury this lawyer guy keeps calling him Mickey Mouse...

 

 

Unholy War

The people who failed to remember The Great Mouse War of 1927 might not have to worry about history repeating itself, or should they?

By 1926 the tributaries which supplied the second largest naturally occurring body of water west of the Mississippi had been diverted for agriculture. 

Lake Buena Vista was drained, a native American holy site called Skull Island was removed and the lake bottom was converted into farmland.  

To the north, Tulare Lake is the largest naturally occurring body of water in the west. At one time the two lakes were connected through a series of sloughs, swamps and marshlands which continued straight out to the sea.  

During the time when the water was allowed to follow its natural course it was possible to paddle a canoe from Bakersfield through the waterways down the valley and right into San Francisco Bay without ever touching land.  The journey required about two weeks time and by all accounts was a wild adventure.  Local lore remains that during the 1930s such a voyage was attempted and the principals were able to successfully navigate the route with little portage. There were rumors that someone maintained a diary during the trip but no records can be located. 

 During the growing season the lake bottom land was heavily planted in grains.  The conditions were perfect and the stage was set for a freak of nature to occur.  After the harvest field mice occupied the farmland furiously reproducing until their numbers increased to one hundred million.  The old lake bed was harboring a tsunami of field mice when heavy rain storms arrived during November of 1926.  The torrential downpours replenished Lake Buena Vista with flood waters. When their home was destroyed by the flood one hundred million field mice were forced to march out of the lake with their insatiable hunger providing them little recourse but to maraud the town of Maricopa.

  

The mice ran through that place like Tecate through a gringo on Cinco de Mayo, and when the smoke cleared the mouse marine contingent was reduced by one half to around fifty million.  

As the once proud boomtown of Maricopa lay in ruins, the mouse marines turned north and mounted a full scale assault on the city of Taft.  

Following the invasion in December of 1926 the mouse to person ratio in Taft was 20,000 to 1.   

  

No aspect of life remained unaffected by the horrors of the rebel rodents as this unholy war raged on through Christmas and straight into the new year.  

 

As they gnawed their way through the terrorized town the mice suffered so many casualties the

roadways became slick from the guts of their dead.  At least one auto accident occurred due to unsafe conditions created by the corpses.  I know this because it was my very own great grandfather who lost control of his truck on the Coles Levee road and crashed.

Emboldened by the feeble resistance the mice became so powerfully ravenous they overcame and devoured a poor little lamb with the sad misfortune of being locked inside his pen when they swarmed the scene.  

The next day the farmer went out to his sheep pen only to find a pile of bones in place of his precious snow white lamb. 

 

Following the merciless slaughter of that innocent lamb, the city called on all able bodied men to gather their weapons and mobilize in defense of home and hearth.

In January 1927, a local militia mustered in order to abate this shameful situation once and for all.  

As the militia began performing their grim task with deadly precision little progress was achieved.  Following a fierce battle that devolved into hand to hand combat the militia reached an impasse.  That evening as the sun dipped below the Temblors the volunteers returned home to regroup and plan a counter assault which was set to begin at first light.

 

The next morning as the beleaguered force prepared to launch a new battle, an unexpected event arrived with the breaking dawn. 

 

It was an event more impressive than the biblical plague poured out upon the woeful sinners in the city of Taft.  

 

Just as the unsavory events confounded the entire world during this accursed time, a supernatural miracle arrived from beyond the horizon.

Before more rodent lives could be extinguished by the valiant militiamen, thousands of birds appeared from the four corners of the earth seeking shelter from the storm but finding a cornucopia of carnage instead.

  

Every type of native bird of prey, scavenger, water foul, along with several hundred volunteer sea gulls that flew over from Pismo Beach darkened the skies above the battlefield.  Diving down to steal the mice from their concealed positions the birds were able to easily spot them and begin their grizzly feast that very day.  

Air support had finally arrived to provide relief for the war weary city and their chastened militia.  

 

It was sort of a minor miracle that birds were able to conclude in a few days what humans couldn't accomplish in a month.  The great mouse war was finally over, and the great clean up had just begun because of the seagulls.

Have you ever seen a seagull in Taft?  

There's a reason for that...there were not any drive-thru car washes in the old days.

 

 

 

 

It is not good to fool around with nature because when you alter the ecosystem it always comes back. That time it was mice, followed by birds, what will it be next time?  I've personally seen frogs emerge from the swamps numbering in the millions and clouds of crickets as numerous as the stars in the sky and in between all that a bunch of dust storms.

The one hundred year anniversary of The Great Mouse War is four years away and new challenges require people to replace the practices of the old frontier. 

 

 

People can see the damage created by altering the natural world, but some people don't care what happens.

Update:  I searched the archives and was able to find a reel of old footage from The Great Mouse War of 1927. 

 

 Enjoy...

Bill and Teds bogus journey….Guardian of the galaxy….I need some space and Argo fuck yerself!

 Now that we’ve got all those inconvenient little details out of the way I’d like to show you how a mortally wounded man managed to rebuild his life through faith.  Because the only thing that prevented me from driving off the Snake River Canyon once and for all was God. 

Go read the great novel The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck and maybe you will understand how I feel/felt with my home and family torn to pieces.   They blame me for everything, this is fine.  

What are you gonna do stand in the street and shake your fist?

That’s why half of the mentally ill people in the streets are so messed up out there waving weapons around and shit.  They’d rather be out in the streets taking their chances than being abused inside a snake pit and I don’t blame them. 

 Given the same choice Id rather never see them again either because I told them over and over again there is nothing wrong with me that can’t be repaired by me.  I’m not violent except in the defense of another person, the record shows this and to twist it around any other way is utter nonsense. 

The next time I see an old man getting his ass kicked by a guy 30 years younger I will video tape it instead of stop it.  Because I’m going to remember how the people paid to do a job didn’t care about me. 

The next time I roll up on a burning building I won’t rescue the putz inside who dropped a match that was dying, I will video tape it and call somebody else.  Because I’m going to remember the people who are paid to do a job and how they didn’t give a rats ass if I died that night.

  I’ve done my part and was repaid with treachery.  

I figured anyone else placed in a similar situation would do the same.   Yeah, maybe if it was 1955, but we ain’t in Kansas anymore little buddy, beam me up Scotty because this place sucks harshly…